I write this with a very heavy heart; one evening after going out for a night in Luperon, Dominican Republic, I encountered the worst case of adamant sexism and misogyny I believe I have ever endured. Upon hearing an older caucasian American man speak his opinion of how younger women OUGHT to act.
I spoke against him.
He was making lewd comments regarding a young, caucasian, friend of mine who was speaking to a young Dominican teenager. I stated women have the right to choose with whom they interact as well as how they choose to interact with said person.
Regardless of every fact and logistical point I made, my points were met with derogative name calling such as “slut,” “worthless cunt,” “whore,” “pussy,” and so forth— not one argument with any substance other than sexism, utter hatred. Not once in this discussion did I call the person’s gender into argument. However, I did have said person shout at me how his “daughter would kick the absolute shit out of me.” For what? For thinking that maybe women had their own opinions on their interactions with men?
When engaged in a political discussion I doubt any of my friends and associates could say I am anything less than passionate. My final rebuttal of saying “women, as a community, will be better when the misogyny of the baby boomers’ fades away to the obscurities of history,” he snarled—I kid you not— a “you are a fat ass twat.”
I lost it. Overwhelmed by an onslaught of verbal assault face, degraded down to nothing but my genitalia, I hurled the remnants of my drink at his face. Immediately, he struck me. Prior to this physical altercation, I went through about twenty minutes of being called EVERY SINGLE SEXIST slur possible. To each one of my logical responses he had nothing but vitriolic hatred to spew at me.
As a woman, I ask— what am I to do? Do I try and keep reasoning with people festering within their sexist mindset— I assure you there are many. Do I sit back and laugh hoping it all passes over, this is just our one step back to our two steps forward. As I watch a racist and sexist person take office, do I engage in conversation only to be verbally attacked and assaulted? As a woman I see that there is no victory or advancement, is our digression to the home and kitchen inevitable?
Aside from a pitiful attempt to assault me, the actual pain came from the person I should have been able to trust, my then fiancé. Many women look to their significant other thinking they will protect us; however, as I have seen, they often perpetuate the assaults and uphold the status quo. I listened to a thirty minute lecture about how the issue had been “my fault,” how I “should have expected nothing other than to be hit.” Ladies, this is LITERALLY the epitome of victim shaming, and it is coming from the people who ought to be championing us.
I do not like to get on social media and blast my personal issues, but this goes far beyond “Alicia’s average night out,” this extends to “ladies night out.” As a survivor of abuse I could not swallow my resentment toward a man who believed that his significant other “deserved” to be struck for chastising misogyny, for having the audacity to tell someone that his archaic opinion was outright offensive.
I WILL NOT —YOU SHOULD NOT— accept the notion that as a woman I ought to be meek. I OUGHT to accept my place on the hierarchal totem; I ruined someone’s night for having the audacity to say that “maybe women should have a voice in their own opinions and actions.” I am aware the next two to six years will be stressful for women who demand respect and protest the misconception that we are fragile beings incapable of self-governance. I have mourned the regression the states have taken, but I promise you all, I will never relent in my persistence towards equality nor will I ever relent against any man who believes that the best retort to my point is to insult my genitalia or degrade my intelligence due to my genitalia. I am more than just a “pussy needing to be grabbed.” I am ALOOF NERD and I will never allow any man, nor person, to tell me my own worth.
