This is going to be a controversial post, but seeing as it is International Women’s Day I can think of no better time for this to be discussed. Nearly 8 months ago I left the industry because the captain/ex-fiance of the yacht I crewed upon was beating me while I was employed by charterhouse and iYachtclub on board Catamaran Vivo. Our relationship had been violent for years, I didn’t realize the extent until I left, but while I worked on the boat I can’t count the number of times I was beaten, punched in the head, or thrown through a door while the captain was in a drunken stupor of rage. I left my career and everything I had worked so hard to achieve because I could no longer cope with the mistreatment, abuse which I
endured for years at the hand of the captain. I drank heavily to cope with my abuse as I believed I deserved it all, it’s been through much therapy and soul searching I have been able to heal, but I can’t keep silent. I believe it’s social conditioning that women are told to keep quiet about the abuse they have experienced and to move on with their life, further invalidation of abuse.
I did not tell anyone why I abruptly left until it came to my attention that my previous employer was still using all of my social media work, photography, menu, crew description, facebook pages— all of MY hard work and ME, to continue marketing the boat and my abuser. In fact, they’re still using my photos and videos on the page I built for fb and IG as well as promoting the tripadvisor certificate of excellence I earned for them, really classy.
After watching the Ford/Kavanaugh testimony I gathered the strength to call my previous employer and tell them exactly why I had left: being regularly beaten, belittled and verbally abused in front of guests and friends, forced to stay on the boat for weeks at a time, only allowed to leave when given permission, violently ejected from the dinghy while moving at top speed (45 HP), the captain RAPING a friend on the boat, and said captain asking me to cover up his act when he was confronted by mutual friends of the victim. The girl tried to file reports but due to the ineptitude of the police she gave up in frustration— an experience most of us women receive when we go to the police about these issues.
When I went to my previous employer they dismissed the captain from his position, however several months later they rehired him due to a lack of crews who would work for them— which in and of itself says loads about the employer. I am not the first nor will I be the last to claim this company has not only been abusive to crews, but also turned a blind eye when problems needed to be addressed.
Last year, I saw a post about another crew witnessing a captain beating his first mate and everyone on the post was up in arms and saying how you ought to report these instances to your employer. Well, I did…and guess where it got me, further ashamed I spoke up to say anything as my abuser was rewarded with his position again as well as enabled to abuse an unknowing new crew member whom he had been “grooming” for years to “replace” me. Small community, so word travels quickly about that behavior, even when you don’t ask or want to know. I’m happy to hear the new crew mate left the boat recently, she got out much quicker than I did.
What are we supposed to do as crew when we raise issues like this to the people in charge and they not only turn their backs, but actively try to cover up what an employee has done? My previous employer lied to brokers about what had happened and when they rehired him they encouraged previous guests to block me, despite me never messaging anyone about what I had endured. S
o, they attacked my personal credibility.
Before everyone tells me I should have gone to the police, I did and the coast guard too, who are currently investigating my reports. But I left the industry as well as thousands of dollars of dive gear and tech equipment because when I tried to leave the abuse the captain became violent and had me frightened to try and take anything of value which he felt entitled to. Now, a lot of my expensive gear is currently used on the boat, which is a further blow to the face—capitalizing off of making a woman fearful to leave with her property. It was easier for me to forego thousands of dollars of my hard earned money than to to ask anyone for help or to go through another vicious assault again. So, I left my island home covered in bruises, traumatized, and scared.
In the industry women are put in a position where we do not report abuse due to fear of losing our jobs, fear of future mistreatment, isolation on a boat— often in the middle of nowhere, and as I experienced, the fear of not being believed.
This is the first time I have actually used the names of the businesses in my public discussions, but I have finally healed enough that I want to use my story so other women can come forward and address abuse which happens in the industry, because I know my story is far from unique. The system works against victims and it seems social media is the only place where an actual discussion can be had.
When we are told to go to our management companies and they do nothing to help and in fact actively try to cover up abuse what are we to do? We just leave the industry and enable an abusive person to abuse the next unsuspecting crew? It’s 2019, isn’t it time we start ensuring the women of the industry are not only safe, but protected when abuse is reported?
What’s even worst, the company which enabled this person asked me to work for them to do their social media about a month ago, when I confronted Mr. Hunsinger on his action to enable an abuser I received no reply. Well, Mr. Hunsinger— you might be silent, but I have A LOT to say.
Also, before I get the “you’re just jealous, move on”— I’ve been 8 months no contact with my abuser since the day I left, I have moved forward in my life, but I know my case is not isolated and if I have to take public scorn to raise the issue, I don’t care, I’d rather be shamed than be silent any longer. Said captain has tried to reach out to me via emails to my family, to me, urging friends to contact me, but I will never allow that person to hurt me any longer, I deserve better than to be used and abused.
I’m posting a photo of me from last week for attention, a happy ending came from this story for me—I’m now free of abuse and more e powered than ever. I moved to the other side of the world to the Philippines for humanitarian work, diving, and to get my blog going— so if you are in a situation like I was, you’re not alone and it will be ok when you finally get the strength to leave.
